hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
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