Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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