I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
