Your face is a jimmy john
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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