the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I just had sex on a roof
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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