I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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