Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
is wine microwaveable?
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
