im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
