P.S. I can't hear my feet
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
