Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Randomize
