90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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