Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
