i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
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