I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
