Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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