Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
His nipple licking is glorious
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