My boss' voice literally gives me gas
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
BRING THE BAGELS
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
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