yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Randomize
