Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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