I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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