Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
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