I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
