Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
