i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
only you would photoshop your dick
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
