i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
