Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
