Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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