tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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