Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
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sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
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We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
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