your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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