I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
