I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
