Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
