just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
