Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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