Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Randomize
