Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
