Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
