It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
That's how pantless uber rides happen
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Randomize
