Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I queefed so loud it echoed.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
