jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
