I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I supernannyed him into submission
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
