I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Randomize
