I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
