About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Randomize
