Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
We don't watch enough power rangers
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
