So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
