It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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