That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Dude my mom stole all your condoms
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
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