I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
So apparently I’m into choking now
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