Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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