The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
They have beer where we have blood.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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