So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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