Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I supernannyed him into submission
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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