Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
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