i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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