this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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