Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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