So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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