Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
