i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
