Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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