Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Randomize
