How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
